26 Rules

So this weekend we found ourselves on a campsite with a very pleasant view. Nicely tucked away and right on the banks of the river. However when we arrived we were issued with a photocopied list of 26 rules which must be adhered to at all times and which are strictly enforced by the owners who are clearly more inspired by Chairman Mau than Billy Butlin.

Hang on - and I just noticed there's 27 as there's an 11 and an 11a

1. 5MPH speed limit at all times
2. Only on car per pitch all others to be parked on top car park.
3. Caravans/ Motorhomes must be pitched away from static bank and vehicles kept inside their pitch at all times.
4. No washing of vehicles, Motorhomes or caravans on site.
5. No parking on the tourers access road at any time.
6. Tourers vehicles are not allowed to park by the toilet block or in static parking area.
7. Strictly no parking on double yellow lines at any time.
8. Tourers are responsible for the behaviour of their visitors.
9. All visitors to park on top car park.
10. Visitors vehicles are not allowed on touring field.
11. No children under the age of ten allowed.
11a. No small children allowed near the river bank without an adult.
12. No small children allowed at toilet block without an adult.
13. No ball games.
14. Chemical toilets/ buckets must be emptied at the Chemical Disposal point and not in the toilet block, waste water to be emptied down the drain and not on the grass.
15. No washing of cutlery, pots, pans, plates in toilet block.
16. All rubbish must be bagged before placing in bin/ skip.
17. No washing lines allowed.
18. Dogs must be kept on a lead at all times and exercised off site.
19. Dogs are not allowed to be exercised on the river bank or the static area.
20. Any dog fouling on the site must be removed immediately or the owners will be asked to leave the site and no refund given.
21. Dogs are not allowed in toiled block.
22. The toiled block is a no smoking area.
23. An person not registered and stopping overnigh must book in at reception and pay the overnight tariff.
24. Charges for day visitors are £2 per adult/ £1 per child per day and must book in at reception.
25. Caravan arrivals from 12 noon.
26. All departures by 12 noon.

I find some a little odd, none of them wildly unreasonable and many of them blindingly obvious and I think it's treating us all like kids to a have to spell it out - and certainly not welcoming to have it thrust into your hand as soon as you arrive. Oh and if you don't read it it's posted in the toilet blocks along with a few other dos and don'ts... There's no 'pleases' or 'thank yous' anywhere. The tone of it and the manner in which it's enforced did NOT make for a relaxing stay... The site wardens patrolled the site 3 -4 times per day peering into each unit to make sure we were all behaving and were very fleet of foot if any wrong doing was suspected!

I guess we don't need to be told how to be have like responsible adults and we don't really want to stay at sites where people do need to be told.

Oh - and Monty behaved impeccably!

Lurking in Lincs.

Our longest trip yet with Monty - we needed to go house hunting in Lincolnshire and what could make more sense than to take a motorhome and cat with us?  It was also our first experience of using a CL/ CS (Certified Location/ Certified Site) which are basically fields or large gardens with basic facilities and the ability to take a maximum of 5 caravans/ motorhomes.

'Home' for the week was to be someone's large garden near to Woodhall Spa and very lovely it was too.  The owners were delightful and the gentleman came round and spoke to everyone on the site each day and was keen to explain all the lovely things Lincolnshire had to offer - though he was a little chatty and it could have been easy to have spent the day talking about the things we could see rather than actually seeing them!

Sunset through the grass

Delores motored up hill and down dale - yes there are hills in Lincolnshire.  Well there are in the Wolds anyway - the fens are a little on the flat side!  Much of the Woodhall Spa area reminded us of the New Forest except fewer cars and a LOT cheaper.  Free parking - can you imagine that in the New Forest?  (Mind you can you imagine anything free in the New Forest?)

Whilst motoring in a particularly quiet part of the county we decided to let Monty out of his cat carrier to see if he relaxed a little more as he was getting very upset being locked up every time we set off. Turns out he's absolutely fine although he does tend to peer out the windows at passing motorists which attracts a little attention.  He was a little spooked at first when he looked out of the back window and noticed other vehicles driving towards him (let's face it, we're in a motorhome, everything bar the odd tractor hurtles towards us!) but he soon found a few little nooks to hide in and is now much happier when we're driving around.

He did us proud again with his incredible reversing but at least there were fewer people around to see it this time.

On this trip we did notice the one downside of summer camping - people with their doors open watching TV loud enough for us all to hear what was going on.  Is there nowhere in the country to escape Graham Norton or Ant & Dec?  I'm sure they're very lovely people but when I book a campsite in the middle of nowhere I don't appreciate being stalked by people looking for Dorothy...

Incredible Reversing Cat

Well the time came for us to risk a venture out with Monty.  We'd got him used to the van and even spent a night in there with him to see how things worked out.  Fine as it happens - but it startled the pizza delivery guy when he was on his way to our front door and we ambushed him!  Monty was fine that night - although he did realise that it was easier getting up into the overcab bed than it was getting down again! 

We picked a site we knew well just in case he made a dash for it and headed off feeling somewhat nervous.  He wasn't impressed at the journey maybe it was my driving, or he could just have been singing along to some Abba classics, but either way he made a bit of a racket!

The only spot left at the site was next to a cattle grid, which wasn't ideal but at least we'd be safe from marauding cattle.  After we were settled we kitted Monty out in his new lead and harness and attempted to lure him outside.  The first thing I'd like to point out is that the website we bought the harness off has an excellent sense of humour "Your cat will love the snug harness" it told me.  Really?  A cat will love wearing a harness?  Not sure what zen like felines they're familiar with but Monty was certainly not impressed with it.  After several Houdini style attempts to wriggle free he gave up, but insisted on walking backwards...  So there's me standing guard over 4 sausages on our blue bucket barbecue whilst Steve behind me is in charge of the reversing cat.  We certainly attracted plenty of attention.  Could have been the cat or possibly the fact that our BBQ seemed to be setting off all the smoke detectors in all the vans in a 200m radius. 

Next trip is 4 nights in Lincolnshire.  A four hour drive and four nights with Monty in the middle of nowhere - what could possibly go wrong? 

2 Go Mad in Dorset

Last week saw us heading to Dorset for 4 nights. On arriving at the site we were told we could use any grass pitch with EHU so we headed for the pitch with the prettiest view. On the way we passed loads of motorhomes on flat grass pitches with no view and couldn't understand why nobody had nabbed this lovely picturesque pitch at the bottom of a very gentle hill... (you’re groaning already aren't you?). Well the inevitable happened. We got down to the pitch and it was indeed beautiful, however if we hadn't engaged the services of the site Landrover then we'd probably still be there. On the bright side it did provide much needed entertainment for all the site kids, all the smug tuggers and the rows of MHs on the flat grass pitches whose combined tuts almost drowned out the sound of the winch... 

View from Delores

We decided to take the van out and about this time and discovered that Dorset has fabulous car parking for MHs - a section of special bays in many car parks and usually only £1 a day to park. Lulled into a false sense of security we headed over the border into Devon - big mistake! It may be very pretty but it's not MH friendly! 

Saturday will go down as the day we didn't do things. Here's a brief list of the things we didn't do. 

* We didn't find the correct route to Beer (the place not the beverage - I've never knowingly taken the wrong route to the beverage....). 
* When we got there we didn't go to the quarry/ mines as it was £12.50 to get in and they didn’t take credit cards. 
* Next we didn't go to the ornamental gardens at the top of the 1:4 hill because they were closed on Saturday afternoons. 
* Then we didn't go to Beer Head because although we followed the signs we ended up back in the middle of Beer. 
* Then we didn't go to the cliff carpark at Beer because the width restriction was 6ft. Which they very handily told us at the far end of a one way street. 
* Following that we didn't go to Seaton. Well we did, but we left again because there was nowhere to park Delores. 
* We also didn't win the lottery. Which is a shame because we could have used the money to pay for the fuel and new clutch we'll need after doing 5 laps of Beer's 1:4 hill! (Some locals began to wave & cheer as we passed for the fourth time...) 

However we DID have a barbecue and we did discover that the coals stay hot overnight. We found that part out when we put them in a plastic bag to throw them away the next morning. Or rather through a plastic bag. We also discovered that grass can catch fire even when it's soggy and we additionally discovered it takes approx 4.3 seconds to get a glass of water from the van. (I just *know* someone is going to tell me off for that one!). Good job it wasn't a CC site or we'd have been excommunicated by now! 

We also discovered that there's no moon in Dorset. Or at least we don't think there is. We certainly didn't see it on any one of the 4 consecutive clear nights we were there and we're now wondering if it's because we were only on an economy pitch. Next time we'll fork out for the luxury pitch with water, EHU, TV aerial and assorted celestial bodies.

New Forest Frolics!

Well, back again! Just had 2 consecutive weekends in the New Forest getting to know Delores properly and thought I'd pass on some more of the things I've learned in case they're of use..... 

1. Now I *know* you're going to think I'm utterly stupid here, but this weekend we finally figured out how the windows opened. We thought the catches were incredibly stiff. Turns out you press the little button in the middle to make it turn more easily. Only sheared off one before we figured it out. (I know, I know!) 

2. The jointed arms on the Fiamma 45 awning aren't meant to go straight. Many thanks for those who helped yesterday to let me know that before I sheared those off as well. 

3. The grey water drain will be at exactly the wrong part of the site one way system meaning you'll have to do at least 2 additional laps to access it. Am begining to thing the CC is in cahoots with the petrol companies.... 

4. Whilst many people will be very friendly and helpful when they see newbies struggling with a Fiamma Awning others will pour themselves a drink, pull up a chair and settle down for an evening's entertainment.... 

5. The freeview box only works with the freeview remote control. (We'd taken our dodgy old freeview box along with our very old 'portable' TV to try it all out. Imagine the frustration when the freeview appears to work fine but requires you to "Press OK to continue" and then remembering where the remote is. And in answer to what you're saying out loud right now, no there weren't any other buttons on it anywhere to do it manually.) 

6. The TV remote only works if the batteries aren't flat. (At least the site shop had some. And some fine cola bottles! ) 

7. There are more hills than you'd think in the New Forest and most of them go up. 

8. ALWAYS remember to take a rucksack and a flask, that way you won't get ripped off by all the quaint little tearooms fleecing you for over £7 for 2 teas and a couple of toasted teacakes. 

9. You can hear the gas swishing about in the bottle. Check whether or not you can hear it before you hike your 'empty' bottle all the way to the site shop and have them hike out a replacement. (Dealer told us it was empty so hadn't connected it to check....) 

10. The glass on your hob will get *very* hot if your grill is on. But the helpful message telling you to lift the glass top is very handily written in small letters under the glass and you can only see it if you've already lifted it - which you probably haven't done because you didn't realise you needed to. (Luckily no harm done). 

11. There is only one way to stop the smoke alarm going off when you're cooking bacon and it's probably illegal, certainly not best practice and perhaps best not to mention it here. 

12. Before starting to fill your van with water check you've closed the outlet valve else your feet will get very wet. 

Hmmm - I think that's it for now. I'm sure there's much left to learn on our next expedition. Got a couple of weeks at home before then though.

New Forest Ponies

First ever trip out in Delores

OK - as you know we're fresh back from our first outing in Delores so I thought I'd pass on my newfound wisdom for any other newbies out there....

1. Cooker hobs rattle - a LOT. Wrap well with a tea towel. 

2. It's apparently standard for the power to cut off in the back of the van while the keys are turned in the ignition. If you notice your water pump has suddenly stopped working, try removing the keys and having another go. 

3. With the rear bed made there's not a lot of room for 2 adults to get dressed/ undressed without lots of colliding and childish giggling. 

4. If the front seat is meant to swivel and suddenly won't, do not use force! Return the seatback to the upright position and try again. 

5. If you notice your blown air heating isn't blowing, remember what I said in point 2. I didn't. Took me another 45 mins to remember.... 

6. If you find yourself suddenly feeling cold, even though you know you fixed the blown air heating, allow yourself time to realise that whilst you were fiddling you'd turned it onto fan not thermostat and had left it set at level 1. 

7. When rinsing out your loo cassette ensure the tap is well inside the funnel before turning it on full. 

8. If your water suddenly stops working check there is some in your tank BEFORE you enlist assorted members of the Caravan Club, friends, relatives and anyone else nearby to help you fix the problem with your van. 

9. When reversing into a parking spot at Warwick services watch out for the "Parking for caravans" signs - they make a loud clang when you hit them. 

10. Remember why you bought the van and remind yourself that if you can survive 2 rain sodden freezing nights with a streaming cold in a muddy NEC carpark, then the rest of it will be a breeze!

I'm sat at my 'pooter in my nice warm house wishing I was back out in Delores. I'm guessing there's no known cure for this is there.....?