I've written in the past about what walking guides say and what they actually mean and I focused primarily on the directions, well today I want to turn my attention to the way they describe what they see. Having now written a good selection of walks based in and around Cumbria I can tell you that finding new and exciting ways to describe the landscape isn't always easy - but here's a rough guide to what we really mean...
"Remote" - 5 miles from the nearest Tesco "Very remote" - 10 miles from the nearest Tesco "Remote isolation" - 10 miles from the nearest Tesco and no phone signal
Blissfully remote isolation
"Green pasture" - boggy
"Lush green pasture" - very boggy "Rural idyll" - smells of cow sh*t
A very lush green pasture and a rural idyll to boot.
"Spectacular" - mountains "Dramatic" - mountains with moody clouds
Dramatic, definitely dramatic
"Peaceful" - lake "Relaxing" - admiring the lake from the beer garden "Historic landscape" - lots of old buildings, many of them falling down
Piel Island - Historic Landscape
"Stark beauty" - no trees "Windswept" - what trees there are are all growing at a 45 degree angle
Windswept and intereseting
"Breathtaking" - that was a bit of a steep climb "Picturesque" - white stone building in view... "Quaint" - ...with a thatched roof... "Idyllic" - ...which just happens to be a pub
Idyllic (hic)
"Barren wilderness" - whaddya mean there's no pub?!
"Rugged" - I may have just sprained my ankle
"Wooded" - trees blocking the views
"Parched landscape" - you're clearly not in Cumbria
Following our dream to live & work in Cumbria has rarely been easy. Even this week we've been making difficult decisions about the long planned alterations to our tiny bungalow. We've been here 5 years now & still have half our stuff in boxes in the undercroft.
But there are some days, like today, that make every ounce of hardship and effort worthwhile. We're working on a commission for our very good friends at Cumbria Wildlife Trust and decided to take advantage of the sunny skies to get a walk done for them in and around Martindale. The end result will be out later in the year accompanied by Steve's fab pics but, for now, I just wanted to share these few shots of what has been a spectacular day in the fells. Full time permanent employment may have its perks but I wouldn't have traded today's felltop sarnie and flask for the fanciest business lunch in the poshest restaurant anywhere. Some things just can't be bought.
Please excuse this interlude for shameless self promotion, but a girls gotta eat and Santander are lovely but do keep pestering me for mortgage money each month. If you're planning your hols in Cumbria our books will be a HUGE help - here's why you should buy them. 😀
1. Because of all of Steve's fantastic photos. There 100's of photos in our books and pretty much all of them (apart from the historic ones cos he's not that old) were taken by Steve. Pics that look a bit like this but are LOADS better because Steve took them (the publishers don't want us using pics from the book in the blog)
Name that bit of coastline?
2. Because of the words - I'm not bigging them up and claiming to be the next Ruskin, but I promise you they are really well researched. On one occasion I spent 2 days tracking down a fact that takes up 2 lines in one of the books. I'm not saying it's perfect but I am saying that I tried really, really hard.
Fantastic support from Mountain Heritage Trust
3. Because they come from the heart. We both live in Cumbria and Steve grew up here. Yes we'd like to earn some money from our books but our primary driver is to tell people about this amazing county and share our experiences and some of the stuff we've learned along the way. I mean, how can you not love a place that looks like this?
Coniston Fells
4. Because Sir Chris Flipping* Bonington told us how much he loved our first book. We got in touch with him and sent him an early draft and got the loveliest email back telling us how much he enjoyed it and giving us this fabulous sleeve note. (*may not be his real middle name.)
We met him at the Kendal Mountain Festival later in the year and thanked him in person for his kind words - he even signed a copy of the book for us to keep.
5. Because lots of other people like them too (you are, of course, welcome to buy our books from Amazon, but we make 2 tenths of naff all if you do - if you buy them from us we'll lovingly hand pack them ourselves & skip to the post office to post them personally.)
I'll be honest, there's a 2 star review on there for our first book from someone who thought it was smaller and "not as comprehensive" as they were expecting. Fair enough - to help give you an idea of what to expect that book is 96 pages long with 20,000 words and 100 photos and represents 12 months of hard work and research. It's not a detailed academic text but it covers most of the salient points of the areas we focus on in much the same tone as this blog does.
6. Because we cover the whole county and not just the Lake District fells. We LOVE the fells but wanted to tell a bigger story about Cumbria and encourage folks to visit places they wouldn't normally consider - like Whitehaven for example. I have a HUGE soft spot for Whitehaven with its fascinating history and breathtaking views.
The historic harbour at Whitehaven
7. Because you'll be supporting a local business if you do. It's hard work making money from writing - not complaining, I flipping love it - but any and all support we get is most welcome. In the interests of full disclosure I should let you know that our royalty payments from last year paid off half of our mortgage... well... technically they paid half of one month's mortgage payment, but it's a start! And if you support us then we can support other local businesses - and not just the chippy and the local pub, honest...
From Fish-over-Chips in Grange-over-Sands
8. Because we've currently got loads in stock and will whiz one out to you by first class post within moments of receiving your order. We may not be able to offer Amazon Prime style tracked packages, but we are "primed" and ready to despatch your order. (You see what I did there..?)
Ready to roll!
9. Because you need it for planning your next visit to Cumbria - we've dedicated a lot of blogs and social media time to encouraging folks to keep coming to Cumbria in the wake of the winter storms and this book will help you as you plan your itinerary.
The full chapter list for book 1 is:
Furness Abbey
1. High Street and Haweswater
2. The Other Borrowdale
3. Smardale Gill
4. Grange-over-Sands and Cartmel
5. Dunmail Raise and Thirlmere
6. Kentmere and Longsleddale
7. Whitehaven and St Bees
8. Langdale Valley and Great Gable
9. Barrow-in-Furness and Walney Island
10. Buttermere and Rannerdale
10. Because it's so easy to buy - just click here to go to the book buying page. You can use your PayPal account if you have one and if you don't you can pay by debit or credit card - just click on the "buy now" button and follow the instructions on the screen.
WE NOW HAVE TWO MORE BOOKS to add to your collection - and TWO MORE on their way in the next couple of months PLUS we've just agreed content for another book for summer 2019! Click the pic to find out more & order your copies - once we're mega stars they'll be worth a fortune! 😀
As you know, sometimes manufacturers send us nice things in return for a review on the blog. This is not one of those occasions. Today we had snow in Grange-over-Sands and Steve came up with the genius idea of sledging but as we don't have a sledge we needed to improvise. We raided the cupboards for plastic bags and, having come up with a good selection, decided to review them Gadget Show style in case you find yourself in the same situation.
The contenders are:
Windermere & Ambleside Wines
Asda bin bag
Keith Singleton Compost
CoOp Bag for life
Debenhams clothing bag
M&S coated canvas bag
5p Nisa carrier
First up Debenhams...
This had its merits but was, on the whole, disappointing. The handles were on the wrong edge and the bag wasn't shiny enough to give sufficient glide.
Next the Co-Op bag for life...
I'll be honest, this was an early leader - a good size and nice and shiny. Good effort from the Co-op and definitely a top 3 placing.
Steve showing his delight with the performance of the CoOp bag
Then came Nisa - and the least said the better.
Too thin, too flimsy and too slow. Windermere and Ambleside Wineswere next - we had high hopes for this one, a good substantial bag from a shop which stocks our favourite wine - and we weren't disappointed. Good and shiny it flew over the snow setting a high bar for the others to clear.
I thought the plastic coated canvas bag from M & S would take the lead - the handles were good and substantial and definitely in the right place - but ultimately it failed the shininess test. Too much friction and not enough glide.
It's almost like I set the entire blog up for the next line, but I swear I didn't. The binbag was rubbish. :-)
It had everything except, perhaps, handles. It was big and it was shiny. Big was a key factor here - as you can see from the videos we had to lean back a lot and this provide excellent all round coverage. A worthy winner and, if this really were the Gadget Show, this bag would definitely get 5Gs.
With the sensible and serious business of reviewing the sledges done, it was now time to have a little fun.
First there were races.
Then there were GoPro action shots without the GoPros.
His view...
My view...
And of course it wasn't without incident...
And just in case you thought we were only out there messing around in the snow, here are a few shots of the lovely views too.
Having provided this valuable public service we're both now covered in bruises and enjoying a well earned afternoon in front of the fire.
We took a long hike up Wetherlam in the snow today - I've been up Wetherlam twice now - once in the dark and once in a snow storm - absolutely no idea what it looks like under normal conditions, but I'm sure it's lovely.
As we were hiking up from Levers Water to Swirl Hawse along Sam Bottom (snigger), the snow was up to my backside (think I know where name came from now), and we began chatting about whether the route in the snow resembled the actual route. The conversation quickly turned to our preferred approaches to fell climbing when no path is apparent. Under such conditions Steve favours the steady "look at the lie of the land and choose a sensible route" approach which usually involves lots of zig zagging. I, on the other hand, am more of a straight line kind of a gal and will make a beeline directly upwards or downwards in order to reach my goal. (If I'm honest it's pretty much how I live my life too).
Steve zigging (or possibly zagging)
Me, looking for the direct route.
He tried roping random passers by into our debate, which I thought was cheating, but most of them wisely avoided getting drawn in. Talking of passers by, just as we were reaching the top of Wetherlam a bunch of "men" came barrelling down the slope towards us - now I have some rules about fell etiquette and one of them is that when I'm descending I *always* give priority to those coming up. I don't barge my way down past them and I certainly don't make rude remarks to them. Steve was ahead of me and as I was standing to one side to allow the "men" past, I turned to admire the views (well, what there were of them) and one of them said to me "I bet you'll never speak to him again after dragging you up this."
Well! The idea that the only reason I was up there was because Steve had dragged me up very nearly made me throw all etiquette rules out of the window and spear the culprit with my walking pole. I managed to shout a "I don't need to be dragged up here" as they whistled past, but they were out of earshot when I called them misogynistic idiots (actually it was a far naughtier word than that but my in-laws read the blog.)
Clearly dragged up against my will.
Anyway, back to our original debate, and I think it's time to open it up and see what anyone else has to say on the matter. Are you, like me, a "short and sharp, straight to the summit" kind of a person or are you more like Steve, taking a considered and, if I'm honest, ultimately more sensible approach? While you make up your mind, here are the rest of the pics from today's hike - do feel free to hum the tune from Take Hart as you scroll through them.
Looking good!
Levers Water. Within 2 minutes the wind was up & the reflection gone.
