Monday, 1 April 2019

Corpse Wanted - Apply Within

Fairy Steps Corpse Route
We have an exciting opportunity for you to help us with a future book project.  Later this year me and Steve will be teaming up with the wonderful Debbie and Andy from Access the Outdoor Guide to walk all of the corpse roads in Cumbria and, in order to fully recreate the experience of our ancestors, we plan to take a corpse with us.  Not a real one of course because a) there are bound to be rules about things like that and b) it would get a bit whiffy after the first few days (although it might make a pleasant change from Andy's feet...)

Old Corpse Road near Haweswater
As you probably already know our wonderful county is criss-crossed with these ancient routes which were created by our ancestors when a lack of consecrated ground meant they had to ferry their dead up and over the fells to the nearest church.  Although there were often nice, flat, routes available they generally preferred to strap their dearly departed to the back of a pony, head up the steepest track possible and across the most godforsaken fells they could find - probably to atone for some sin or other. 

As we sadly don't have a pony we will, instead, be making use of Debbie's amazing Terrain Hopper but we haven't yet decided whether we'll need to strap you sideways across the front (as our ancestors would have done) or take the easy option and tie you to the back and tow you along.

Obviously we have a full job description for this role and suggest you have a good read through before deciding if it's suitable for you or not.

Job Description

  • You will be required to lie completely still at all times.
  • That's pretty much it.
  • Oh - and no groaning or moaning if we go over any bumpy bits or accidentally drop you.
Key Skills
  • Able to lie completely still (Essential)
  • Able to hold your breath for extended periods of time (Highly Desirable)
  • Able to hold your bladder for an extended period (or supply your own Tena pads)
  • Flexible (Not completely sure yet how we'll attach you to the Terrain Hopper, but it's likely to require bending.)
  • No fear of confined spaces (I'm not saying we *will* bury you, but we may give it a go for the sake of authenticity.)

In exchange for your time we are prepared to offer you a minor credit in the book and, if we can stretch to it, the odd sandwich when we stop for lunch.

To apply please email your CV and covering letter to Iwannabeacorpse@OfcourseIknowwhatthedateis.com 

7 comments:

  1. You know, I though this would be an ideal new role for me until you mentioned "flexible" I thought corpses were meant to be stiff! However, my OH may be available... Particularly if he doesn't get his finger out and finish the bathroom like he promised! And believe me, he will be a genuine corpse ����

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    1. Funny you should say that Jayne, Steve is at home today & is meant to be painting the bathroom... 😀

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  2. It was the comment about bladders that decided me that I wouldn't be suitable. That is the blight of every walk, the need to find toilets or friendly bushes. Even with Tena pads I couldn't cope, catheterisation might be the only way!

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    1. Yes, bare summits can definitely be a challenge! 😀

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  3. I was fine until the last part of the job description- unfortunately I’m claustrophobic. Otherwise my application would have been right there on your desk

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    1. I'm not good in small spaces either. Working in a basement today...

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    2. I might well be able to do this. Sounds fun

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