Everyone's a winner

As Monty Python would say "And now for something completely different!" I am a firm believer in continually stretching myself so, not content with being up to our necks in book writing projects (with another new idea bubbling away for whenever the good lord sees fit to add an extra couple of days to the week!) I thought I'd try my hand at fiction.

This story was inspired by a real life discovery that I made in a ladies loo (see photo at the end) - when I saw the items I just knew there had to be a story behind them and as there's no chance I'll ever discover the real sequence of events which led to them being there, I thought I'd make up my own.  Hope you like it.

Everyone's a Winner

Laura licked the doughnut sugar from the corner of her mouth as a small blob of jam crept down her chin.

“You missed a bit” laughed Emily, pointing to her own chin to show where it was.

Laura picked up the napkin from the table and wiped her chin.

“Other side”

Laura tried again, this time clearing the offending jammy blob. “That’ll teach me, I really shouldn’t have had that.  Heaven knows how many Slimming World Syns there were in it!”

“Who cares?” said Emily, poring over the map “We’ve got another 2 miles ahead of us and that’s on top of the 8 we’ve already done” She fiddled around with the string on the top of her well packed rucksack, gently pressing her neatly folded top down inside so it didn’t catch on the toggle.  She leaned the rucksack against the table leg then tidied their plates away onto the empty tray and wiped the crumbs off the table with her napkin.

Laura peered out through the steamed up windows of the cafe into the slow drizzle of the late afternoon, the mist from the windows indistinguishable from the clouds beyond.  She pulled her chair in to let someone squeeze past “Why do they always cram the tables so close together?” she muttered “I’ve barely got room to breathe here!”

Emily smirked. “You putting your waterproofs back on?”

“Nah, too hot.  Well, maybe the top, but not the legs.  How hilly is the next section?”

“All flat” replied Emily.

Laura sighed, screwing up her nose as she peered out of the window again.  “How about we just give it 5 more minutes to see if it clears up?”

Emily clenched her jaw with irritation and wondered why Laura had agreed to come on the hike when all she’d done was complain about the weather.  She’d been in an odd mood all morning.  She watched as Laura tipped half the contents of her rucksack onto the floor of the cafe and rummaged through them looking for a hair band.  Locating one she slipped it on, pushing her loose blonde hair back off her face.  “That’s better” she smiled, haphazardly stuffing the contents back in and pulling the lid down tight.  “Damn!  Forgot my hat!” she muttered before repeating the entire process again.

Emily thought back to the networking event where they’d met just 2 weeks earlier.  They’d really clicked and had kept in touch with texts and messages since then.  Their shared love of hiking led Emily to suggest a 10 mile yomp around Derwent Water; it had been glorious weather when they planned it but today was the first dismal day in ages.

Glancing at the floor she noticed a small box half under Laura’s chair.  “You missed something” she said, using her foot to slide it closer before bending to pick it up.  She handed it over to Laura. Clear Blue Pregnancy Testing Kit.  “Anything you want to tell me?” asked Emily, smiling.

Laura’s face flushed.  They’d only known each other such a short time.  Emily reached over and put her hand on Laura’s arm.  “Honestly, just blurt it out, I promise you can trust me.”

Laura hesitated, biting her lower lip and searching Emily’s face for some sign of reassurance.

“Well, it’s like this” she finally began.  “We’ve been trying for kids for a little while and I think I may actually be pregnant, except now it’s finally real I am absolutely terrified.  I haven’t even told Pete.  I bought the test before I met you in Keswick earlier, but I’m too scared to use it.  I’m scared I might be pregnant and equally scared that I might not be; does that make any sense at all?”

“Sort of a Schrödinger’s baby scenario?” said Emily. 

Laura laughed “Exactly; if I don’t take the test then I am both pregnant and not pregnant at the same time.”

“What are you scared of?” asked Emily, her hand still resting on Laura’s arm and her hazel eyes never leaving her face.

“Everything” blurted Laura “I just don’t feel grown up enough to look after a baby.  I’ve killed every houseplant I’ve ever owned!”

“Babies are different” said Emily reassuringly “For a start you can’t leave them on windowsills unattended and I’m pretty sure you need to water them more than once a week.”

They both laughed.

“Seriously though” she continued “You can do this; millions of women have done it before you and there will be loads of people around to support you – Pete, your family, the nurses, your friends, me.”

“I know, I’m being silly”

“Not silly at all, this is the biggest change you’ll ever make in your life.  Of course you’ll be nervous, but you’ve got this; whatever the result of that test you’ll cope just fine.”

Laura smiled and put her hand on top of Emily’s.  “Thank you.  I just need to take a deep breath and pull myself together.”

“Tell you what” said Emily “When we get back to Keswick we’ll nip to the public loos in Booth’s and do it.  I’ll be right outside the whole time.”

“Deal”

As they trudged their way back into Keswick they talked about a million different things and none of them were baby related.  Crossing the bridge back into town Laura stopped again.

“I can’t do this.  I am so scared!”

“Wait there 2 minutes” said Emily, disappearing off into the nearby CoOp.  She emerged soon after clutching a small bottle of Shiraz and a scratch card.

“This is for Dutch courage” she said, waving the wine bottle “and this” waving the scratch card “is to give me something to do while you’re in there.”

Giggling like naughty school children they drank the wine straight from the bottle and raced to Booth’s before Laura changed her mind again.

“Right” said Emily “In you go.  I’ll wait out here and see how many millions I’ve won.”

Laura disappeared into the cubicle while Emily dug 2p out of her purse and started on her scratch card.

“You ok?”she called through

“Yup, just got to wait 2 minutes now”

“Can you remember the Countdown music?”  They both began giggling and humming together, finishing with a flourishing “did-di, did-di, diddly bum!”

“Well?” asked Emily

“Negative” said Laura, opening the cubicle door

“Same here; it would seem that we are neither pregnant nor millionaires.  How are you feeling?”

“I’m OK actually” said Laura, her voice muffled in Emily’s shoulder as she gave her a big hug.  “Thanks for being there.”

“No worries” smiled Emily “What shall I do with these?”  They looked around for a bin, but there was none.

“There’s a sanitary bin next to the loo” said Laura “It’s not perfect but we may as well just leave them there.”

“Fair enough” said Emily, placing the lottery ticket, the empty wine bottle and the pregnancy test on top of the bin next to the toilet.

“I think after all that we deserve a larger glass of wine; the Dog and Gun do great food too – you in?”

“Definitely” smiled Laura as they made their way outside and the first rays of weak sunshine finally broke through the clouds.

Day 10 - Local tourist

How far from home do you need to be before you're classified as a tourist? I think I've asked that before but I still don't know the answer.

 One of the things I've enjoyed on this adventure is being a tourist in my home county.

When you wander around with a huge rucksack on your back people tend to assume you're a visitor and it's been fascinating seeing how we're treated. For the most part people have been fantastically helpful - though one farmer in a 4x4 nearly ran us off the road just outside Cartmel.

Today we ditched the rucksacks for the day - and after yesterday's epic hike I was pretty glad of the rest!  We spent most of the day with Keswick Brewing Company but not all of it was guzzling beer - for the morning we got to play with a Twizy.

Twizzies (not 100% sure if that's the correct pluralisation) are electric quad bike type vehicles painted as sheep. There are a number of them for hire across the county, one of which resides at Keswick Brewing Company, and they are the perfect way (baaa none!) to zip around and see the sights.

They have a range of 35 - 40 miles depending on the terrain and there are a number of charging points dotted around the county where you can top up on juice.  We whizzed around Basenthwaite visiting the foot of Skiddaw (home of Langton's Gin) and Thornthwaite (home of Bedrock Gin). Sadly we weren't able to meet with either producer but we did nip into Lakes Distillery for tea & cake and we'll be back there tomorrow for the full tour!

The Twizy is enormous fun and attracted a lot of attention wherever we went with folks waving and taking photos (probably something to do with Karen's over enthusiastic use of the dinky horn! 😀) and we'd definitely recommend it.

Once our driving duties were complete we turned our attention to beer - as we couldn't meet the distillers we figured we'd make up for it with the brewers.

 Click here to visit Keswick BrewingCompany & learn about the Twizy

Keswick Brewing Company has been going for 11 years and produces a wide range beers from pale ales to stouts. Perhaps their best known is Keswick Gold which can be found in pubs all around the county.

Our merry little tour group

After a fabulous talk & tour by Nigel we got stuck into the tastings where they are very generous with their samples.  Pretty soon we were a very merry band of folks chattering away and swapping email addresses - I really think things like the G8 summit would be a lot more friendly and productive if there was more beer involved.

Home for the night is the fabulous Armathwaite Hall on the shores of Basenthwaite. A few years ago me & Steve wrote some walks for the hotel so it's lovely to come back and remind myself how lovely it is.  The views from the terrace are spectacular and, although it's undeniably "posh", it's also very lovely and cosy.

Click here for Armathwaite Hall website

We're probably one of the few guests to arrive on foot - we caught the bus out of Keswick and walked up from the A66 with both the driver and a lovely lady sitting near us keen to make sure we got off at the right stop and knew exactly where we were going from there. I think being a tourist for this trip is definitely reminding me how friendly Cumbrian folk generally are and I really am rather glad I live here.

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Spirit Trail Day 9 - Going our separate ways

Don't worry - we haven't had a major falling

out - it's just that today I took one route to Keswick and Karen took another.

We've always said that this trail should be a hike for those who want to hike but for those that don't there are buses, boats and Twizzies (more of these tomorrow!) Today the weather forecast was foul so Karen (who doesn't enjoy hiking in the rain) gallantly offered to check out the bus route while Beth (who is clearly unhinged and thought a 13 mile hike in the rain would be a "fun adventure") yomped the whole way from Grasmere to Keswick.

I was driven by 2 main things - firstly I knew the route would pass 4 of my favourite viewpoints in Cumbria (Thirlmere, Surprise View, Ashness Bridge and Friar's Crag). Secondly I have a very odd desire to remind myself what it was like for folks "back in the day" - when "hiking" wasn't a thing but "walking over the fells whatever the weather" was.  I am strangely fascinated by it - today the weather was inescapably vile but I was snug warm and dry in my Aku boots, Montaine waterproof, Arcteryx down jacket, Berghaus "legs" and Sealskinz gloves - I can't even imagine how challenging it would have been for folks in basic animal skins and rough wool clothes braving the fells to sell produce in a neighbouring village or bury their dead (I love a good coffin trail too!)

Thirlmere

Surprise View

Ashness Bridge

Friars Crag

I also decided that we have been lied to about the origins of the word "fell".  History books insist it goes back to the vikings but I disagree.  Having landed on my backside twice on the descent to Wantendlath (if you've done it, you know the part I mean) and skidded/ glisaded along for 100m or so I reckon the word "fell" derives from the verb not the noun.

Descent to Wantendlath

Picture the scene: Cumbria circa 1100 - a man in an ancient village sees his friend arriving after a long walk over the hill, but he's looking a little dishevelled. "What on earth happened?" he asks. "Fell" replies his friend, gesturing to the hill behind him. I rest my case.

The plus side of the foul weather was that I got to see some beautiful rainbows and Ashness Bridge was deserted!

Rainbow over Blea Tarn

When I finally squelched into Keswick I headed straight for my fab friends at Keswick Boot Company who immediately sat me down & bought me a coffee (Alex, you are a SAINT!). I also drooled a little over the new Aku boots they had in but was too tired to even try them on.  I'll definitely be back! (I'm wearing Aku boots from Keswick Boot Co for this trip & they've kept my feet toasty warm & dry!)

Click here to visit Keswick Boot Co site

I also got to pick up a couple of fab mementoes which the Twig Pen People had made for us - I adore their pens & keyrings and knew they'd be the perfect reminder of this wonderful trip.

Click here to visit their website

"Where's the gin today?" I hear you cry? Well, no distilleries visited today but I did buy a small bottle of Lakes Distillery Damson Gin to help ease my aching bones. I also took a couple of pain killers so, if I don't finish this blog very soon, things could get interesting. And that's another thing about our ancestors - imagine hiking in the days before ibuprofen and codeine? Scary stuff!

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A Great Escape

We've had a busy year - so far we've zoomed around Wales, Scotland, Wales again and even Gozo - what we haven't done is zoom around Cumbria quite as much as we usually do so we leapt at the chance when the lovely folks at Whitbarrow Village offered us a couple of nights to stay and explore the north of the county.

We've never stayed in a holiday village before and, to be honest, have done pretty much no self catering, but little things they said persuaded us it might be a good idea - you know things like "hot tub", "luxury accommodation" and "crazy golf".  (We have an absolute crazy golf addiction - the best course we've ever played was in Mablethorpe and included a scale replica of the Humber Bridge but it has sadly now been "improved" - in much the same way that I'm sure Channel 4 are planning to "improve" GBBO - but I digress...)

The village is incredibly easy to find - it's about halfway along the A66 between Penrith and Keswick - up behind The Sportsman for those that know the area - and is very clearly signposted.  We arrived on a busy Saturday afternoon but were greeted with broad friendly smiles and swiftly checked in and installed in our apartment.  My bag may have chinked suspiciously as I carried it into the room but we knew there was a hot tub and it would have been rude to get in there without a glass of something nice... (I did pack a bit of food too, you know, just in case.)

The apartment was huge and beautifully decorated - with a pair of fabulous friendly Herdies to welcome us on the counter.

As it's just a short hop, skip and a jump into Keswick we headed off into town to meet up with friends and enjoy an evening out.  Keswick is probably where we'd move to if we didn't have to worry about being on the train network - it's such a fantastic little town with loads to see and do.

It's also the start/ finish point for the Bob Graham round and while we were there Lee Newton arrived back in town having completed the 66 mile course (including 42 of the Lake District's highest peaks) in a staggering 18 hours and 57 minutes.  Among those welcoming him home was the legendary Billy Bland - BG record holder with an unbelievable time of 13 hours and 53 minutes.

I'm not a great runner but I'm superb at carbo loading and there are many excellent places to eat and drink in Keswick. We opted for tapas at ESBar followed by a nightcap at The Wainwright - is there anything better than a great night out with friends?  Lot's of food and laughter and perhaps the occasional beer.

On Sunday we had a swim before breakfast - which sounds impressive until I confess that the swim was at 10am and breakfast was at 11am.  Still, the pool was very lovely

We followed all that exertion with a stroll around Glenridding - another very short drive away.  It was a gloriously sunny day and loads of people were out exploring the new Ullswater Way - a brilliant low level footpath that stretches all the way around the lake. 

Glenridding is also the perfect starting point for a hike up Helvellyn, or St Sunday Crag, or Place Fell or several dozen others and we would have gone up them, honest we would, but there was a hot tub and crazy golf course waiting for us back at the village so, pausing only to devour a rather lovely lunch, we armed ourselves with putters and headed out to do battle!

It's a brilliant course - home made and not one of those nasty identikit "adventure" courses you see so often.  Magnanimously I let Steve win at the crazy golf AND the pitch and putt.  How good a wife am I?

Frankly, losing really takes it out of a person so there was only one thing for it - HOT TUB!  I'm not saying we stayed in there a long time but a) I was all pruney by the end of it and b) it was dark.  But it meant we got to gaze romantically at the stars as we sipped our bottle of cheap fizz.

Altogether we had a fantastic weekend at Whitbarrow Village - a great place to escape to to relax, refresh and unwind.  We were lucky enough to be allowed to stay in the luxury apartments but they have loads of different options available with something to suit everyone - even the ducks love it!

Bigfoot & the Boots

I heard a great saying once – “there’s only 2 things in life you need to spend money on, boots and beds, because if you’re not in one, you’re in the other.”  Good advice – but, like beds, boots are expensive and it’s important to make sure you’re getting the right pair – but how do you know?

Steve has big feet and has recently acquired a knee injury quite likely linked to substandard boots and, while his knee heals, we’ve taken the opportunity to get him some proper boots to stop it happening again.  So, here are my top tips for buying walking boots:

1.       Go to a proper boot shop.  Sometimes you get lucky with the shoe department of a big chain but for good independent advice you’ll need a good independent shop.  We headed up to Keswick because we know, and trust, Keswick Boot Company. The place is owned and run by hiking enthusiast Alex Charlton who has been a passionate hiker for as long as he can remember and has been selling boots for 20 years.

Here’s what happens when you go there.

·         First of all he’ll chat to you about what you want the boots for and how you intend to use them – are you a Sunday stroller, a serious hiker or a polar explorer - he’s had them all and they all need different boots.  As he told us, while you need to get the best boots you can afford there’s also no need to go overboard and spend a fortune on a boot that can cope with -40^oC temperatures when all you’re planning are a series of strolls around the South Downs.

·         Then he’ll look at the boots you came in with – he’ll examine the tread to see how you walk.

·         Next up he’ll select a pair of boots with you and take the insoles out – this is so he can get a feel for how the boots will really fit.  By getting you to put your feet on the insole he can see how much space your foot will have in the boot.  What he DOESN’T do is measure your feet and that’s mainly because, like clothes, boot sizes can differ from manufacturer to manufacturer – we all have a good idea of our shoe size and that’s the starting point.

Who knew soles have so much soul?

All of this obviously takes time, so allow ½ hour to an hour for boot buying.

2.       Once you try them on prance around a bit.  ALL good boot sellers should have a ramp that you can try walking up and down on so put it to good use to see how your foot moves within the boot – a boot that feels comfy on the flat may not be so great on a steep downhill, which can be painful at the end of a long day in the fells.

3.       Don’t buy online!  Though places like Keswick Boot Company do sell online because, let’s face it, it’s expected these days – it’s far from the best way to buy boots.  You don’t get the expert advice and proper fitting and aftercare tips you get from going to a proper boot shop.  And definitely DON’T go to the boot shop to get all the advice then buy them from Amazon because they’re cheaper – the reason they’re cheaper on Amazon is because the people selling them there can afford to make next to no profit and don’t have the expertise to share with you.  Support your local businesses – I’M WATCHING YOU!

4.       Love your odd feet – whatever is odd about your feet, chances are there’s a pair of boots out there to suit you.  Steve’s huge feet were no problem at all.  While we were in the shop a lady came in with very narrow feet and within 20 mins she was walking around in a perfect pair of boots saying she could cry with delight because no one had found boots that fitted her before.  Different manufacturers and different boots suit different weird and wonderful feet – so love your feet and wave them under the nose of your local boot expert.

After all that Steve settled on a pair of rather lovely Aku SuperalpNNK GTX boots which will be perfect for the activities we have in mind – great ankle support for the fells, rigid enough to keep his feet (and knee) sorted but flexible enough to walk in.  Alec showed us how the soles were put together and I had no idea there was so much technology involved.

Aku are an Italian manufacturer that has grown in 30 years from a small workshop to a well respected outdoor brand.  They are understandably proud of their heritage and have boots to suit everyone from gnarly outdoor types to those just wanting comfortable and interesting casual wear.  (Watch this space for a full review of the boots – I don’t believe in reviewing something after one short walk, we’ll let you know how he gets on with them on our impending Scottish trip and review them when he’s given them a bit of a bashing).

Each pair is individually numbered
& fully traceable 

No the boots weren’t cheap but the knee injury, caused by poor grip on his other boots, has been very painful and meant a long period of enforced rest.  Of course it also means he’s getting his money’s worth out of the bed we invested in a couple of years back, but the downside is he’s not been able to get out on the hills he loves for some time now – and that’s something that’s hard to put a price on.

While you're in there ask to see their FAB collection of old boots - amazing
how people ever walking in them!

Head of customer services keeping an eye on things...

Seriously, nothing gets past her.  :-)