The Laws of Physics and Hiking

As will become apparent very quickly, I am no expert in the word of physics, but it has occurred to me that hiking bends the laws of physics and no-one seems to have noticed.  For example, on a circular walk the laws of physics will tell us that if we start and end at the same point then there must be an equal amount of uphill and downhill, but hikers know for a FACT that there is always more up than down in any walk.

In hiking we can also prove that two wrongs do, in fact, make a right.  Very boggy ground - wrong.  Temperatures well below freezing with significant wind chill - wrong.  But combine the two and the freezing weather makes the bog solid so we can walk over it - right.  (OK, that one may not be an actual law of physics, but I'm pretty sure it's a law of something!)

I have dug further into the laws of physics and present, below, my findings on what happens when physics meets hiking.  I'm expecting my doctorate in the post from a prestigious university any day now.  (All laws have been taken from this website, so, if you don't like them, it's him you need to tell, not me.)

1.Archimedes Principle
"The principle was discovered in 3rd century B.C. by the Greek mathematician. Archimedes. It states that when a body is partially or totally immersed in a fluid, it experiences an upward thrust equal to the weight of the fluid displaced by it that i.e. its apparent loss of weight is equal to the weight of liquid displaced."

Well Archimedes was clearly not a hiker.  He also lived in Greece which, I'm guessing, is pretty thin on the ground so far as bogs are concerned.  When my foot is 'partly or totally immersed in (boggy) fluid', there is no upward thrust and I experience no weight loss.  In fact my mass increases as my boots are sucked into the mire and said bog cakes itself around my boots.  If Archimedes had ever tried to walk from High Tove to Castleigg after heavy rain he may have had a rethink.

2. Law of conservation of energy
"It states that energy can neither be created nor destroyed but it can be transformed from one form to another. Since energy cannot be created or destroyed, the amount of energy present in the universe is always remain constant."

It looks so near...

Picture the scene.  You park at Stickle Barn and take the Cumbria Way/ Angle Tarn route up to the bottom of Great End.  You eat and drink well all the way along the route and are feeling good, if a little tired.  You wander along the track to the top of Broad Crag with your sights set firmly on Scafell Pike, still feeling nice and perky.  You reach the end of Broad Crag and see the drop down, and the climb back up, to Scafell Pike summit.  All energy instantly drains from your body.  Energy destroyed. My case rests.


3. Newton’s First law of Motion
"A body continues in its state of rest, or of uniform motion in a straight line, except in so far as it is compelled by external impressed forces to change that state. It is also called Law of Inertia."

I'm gong to agree with Newton on this one.  When I'm 3/4 of the way through a long hike and pause for a sit down and a gulp of tea and cake, my body is in a 'state of rest' and I am generally quite happy to remain in this state of rest.  The 'external forces' 'compelling me to move' would be a cold wind, Steve nagging that it's getting late, or an overwhelming desire for a wee.

4. Newton’s Third Law of Motion
"To every action there is equal and opposite reaction."

Kielder Water

Wrong.  At least so far as midges are concerned. Surely this law is stating that if I swish my hands around in front of my face and swear very loudly at a gathering swarm of midges (my 'action'), then they should disperse (their 'reaction'), but we all know that this does not happen, in fact it only encourages them.  And don't get me started on their bites!  It is simply not 'equal' for minute specs of airborne evil (aka the midge) to create a series of golf ball sized lumps on my hands and face that leave me crying for my mummy at 3am.  And then there are the clegs - inch long velociraptors with wings - when they sink their minute diamond tipped fangs into your arm the 'equal' reaction would be to feel a pinprick of pain, not the searing-hot-poker-in-the-arm reality.  Send Newton for a stroll around Kielder Water on a warm, muggy, summer evening, wearing nothing more than tshirt & shorts, and then see what he has to say about "equal and opposite reactions".


5. Newton’s Law of cooling
"The rate at which a body cools or loses its heat to its surroundings is proportional to the excess of mean temperature of the body over that of the surroundings, provided this temperature excess is not too large."

Any laws pertaining to temperature are null and void when hiking - the rate at which my body cools when I pause for a swig of tea on a cold winter hike defies any law of physics.  I can go from baking hot to colder than Katie Hopkins heart in under 5 seconds.  Tea also obeys the same rule when released from its flask and poured into a cup - nice and hot when you pour it, but by the time you've rescrewed the top back on to save the rest of your brew and quickly slipped on a glove because you can no longer feel your fingers, then raised the cup to your lips, it's stone cold.


I'm pretty sure experts in the world of physics will be lining up to tear me to shreds and to all of you I say this:  you are welcome to join me on a hike any time and we'll put your laws to the test - infact, bring Archimedes and Newton along and we'll make a day of it.  😁



Please don't leave just yet.  We have written nine books choc full of fun, fab and interesting things with lots of stunning photos. You can buy them all right HERE.  We will be happy to sign them and they make the perfect gift for lovers of Cumbria, or you could just treat yourself.  Go on, you know you're worth it.

Click here to browse our bookshelf.

Brewers Loop - third trimester - on our last legs...

Well we only flipping did it! We spent 18 days hauling a beer cask 138 miles all around the county. We met some truly amazing people along the way & were blown away by the kindness & generosity of folks.

On the last legs we truly were on our last legs - my fault really as the whole concept of "rest days" completely eluded me.  Thankfully our many lovely walking companions consistently revived our flagging spirits.

So who were the heoroes & heroines who helped drag our weary carcasses over the finish line?

From Workington to Whitehaven my big sis Ruth & bruv-in-law Ken (and lunatic dog Maya) journeyed with us, chatting about growing up as city kids & how we learned about nature despite being miles from the nearest cow...

It was also the only time on the entire hike that we got lost - in the middle of a trading estate...

The following day the fabulous folks from the equally fabulous Ennerdale Brewery spent the day with us walking from Whitehaven to St Bees.  They then whisked us away to their brewery and forced us to eat the finest steak pie I have ever wolfed down. Fine beer, fine food & great company.

From St Bees we were on our own (after enjoying an ice cream with our lovely friend Kate!) and it was a long old slog down to Seascale. Sellafield dominated the landscape - and our conversation - as we tried piece together what we knew about the site before meeting with one of their media team who filled in the colossal gaps in our knowledge.

We knew the Seascale to Ravenglass stretch was going to be a little bit different/wacky/ nuts because we were walking with the effervescent Sally from Sally's Cottages.  There was a LOT of laughter and the miles raced by as she donned a spot of war paint to take on the world.  It also turns out she knows just about everyone in the Eskdale Valley... 

From Fisherground to Seathwaite (the Duddon one!) it was just me, him, and the rain.  As we trudged through the mizzle and midges I thought I was hallucinating when I spied a cake cupboard, thankfully I wasn't and we timed it perfectly as it had just been stocked up with muffins fresh from the oven. Rarrr!

All of a sudden we were looking at our final day! We headed off alone but soon bumped into a local hiking group who were all keen to donate to our Mountain Rescue cause.

The last few miles to the Prince of Wales (Foxfield) flew by and it was wonderful to see Diane Hannah from The Herdy Co waiting for us with a nice cold beer & a giant Herdy.

She very kimdly offered us a lift home so we shamelessy took advantage of her generosity, rounded up some old friends, and took a short detour to our starting point 18 days earlier.

It's been an amazing journey.  We have learned a lot and made loads of new friends along the way, and we have so many wonderful stories & experiences to share in our book (out spring 2020). 

In the meantime Steve is already cooking up new adventures & has his sights set on Scafell Pike. I'm not ruling it out, I just need some sleep first...

Please don't forget that in amongst all the beer, fun and shennanigans  we're raising funds for Lake District Search and Mountain Rescue - you can see more & donate here: 

https://www.justgiving.com/fundraising/beth-pipe1

Thank you!

(I'll do a proper thank you to all our supportes over the weekend. Right now I can barely keep my eyes open...)

Brewers Loop - second trimester

I really can't believe that we're 12 days in already! We began planning in early January and here we are, well over half way through.

Today we arrived on the west coast so the only way to go now is south. And a little bit east.  So what have we learned since my last post?

First up we realised that it *is* possible to get a beer cask (and trolly) to the top of Helvellyn. With the help of a friend. (Thanks Jeanette!)

Secondly we discovered that Alex from Keswick Boot Company is the best hiking buddy EVER. Not only does he sell fabulous boots which have given us zero blisters, he also arrives at the start of the walk with hot bacon sarnies. Arise, sir Alex!

Next up we discovered that a B&B landlord isn't just for breakfast; if you're really nice to him he'll help you lug a beer cask all the way up to Blencathra Field Studies Centre. (Thanks Paul from Sunnyside Guesthouse in Keswick.)

We also discovered that you can strap said beer cask to the back of a Terrain Hopper & haul it all the way up to Skiddaw House Youth Hostel. Cheers Debs! (Check out Debbie North from Access TOG).

The following day it became apparent that hauling camera gear around a mountain while making Life of a Mountain films, gives you super human strength. Well, it worked for Terry Abraham!

Later that day we learned that tapiers are adorable - and seem to have a taste for beer... (Thanks to Lakes Wildlife Park!)

On day 11 we discovered exactly what it takes to become a member of Mountain Rescue  thanks to Stephen Crowsley from the Penrith team. We also learned more than we needed to know about Tiger Leeches... Thank goodness we had a date with Jennings later in the afternoon.

I also learned that the good folks at The New Bookshop are wonderfully supportive of local authors.

This morning, at Wordsworth's House in Cockermouth we learned all about Wordsworth & how hard it is to move around in Georgian clothing. (It's *really* hard!)

Then this afternoon we found out what a Hefeweisen is and just how good it tastes. Cheers Tractor Shed!

And that's it! Down to our final 6 days. We have a LOT of fab stuff lined up so please keep following.  And also, don't forget we're raising funds for Lake District Search & Mountain Rescue - you can read more & donate here:

https://www.justgiving.com/fundraising/beth-pipe1

Our First Guided Walk

If you’ve followed this blog for a while then you’ll know that we’ve been toying with the idea of offering guided walks in Cumbria.  To be honest we’ve been so busy that we haven’t really had time to do much about it, so it was a bit of a surprise when we received a phone call one day to say that a lovely young couple from London wanted us to guide them on a short walk around the Lake District. I remember it well; it was May Bank holiday Monday (the second one) and we were indulging in that most British of Bank Holiday pastimes, painting and decorating. 

Full image credit Owen Humphreys@OwenHumphreys1

I’m a messy painter and was covered head to toe in a fetching shade of ‘Rustic Sage’ which, despite what it says on the tin, looks more like ‘Chip Shop Mushy Pea’, but I digress.  Stephen Trotter, Chief Exec of Cumbria Wildlife Trust, was busy telling me that Kensington Palace had asked for us by name, as representatives of Cumbria Wildlife Trust,  to guide the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge on a short walk around Cumbria.  It had never crossed my mind that we’d have to address our first ever customers as “Your Royal Highness”, but that’s what I love about life; you really do never know what’s about to come around the corner.

Full image credit Kensington Palace

We were sworn to secrecy – although the majority of the day was publicised well in advance this walk to was to be a low key and relaxed affair, plus the remote location really wasn’t geared up for thousands of visitors to descend en masse, so we didn’t tell a soul.  I’m not good with secrets; if you’ve ever watched Big Bang Theory, I’m a little like Sheldon when it comes to keeping things a secret and during the final few days avoided replying to my friends or posting things on social media for fear that something would slip out.

Full image credit Kensington Palace

As we made plans with the palace I was keen to reassure them that I’d recently attended my outdoor first aid course and, should the need arise, would be able to whittle up a splint, create a sling from a fleecy jumper and apply sphagnum moss to any and all wounds.  At this point they may have been questioning my guiding abilities. 

Ullswater (Steve Pipe)

The run up to the day passed in a rather surreal haze and before we knew it we were lining up on a farm track ready to meet the Duke and Duchess.  Of course we were nervous, we were about to spend 30 minutes as alone as mere mortals get with two of the most recognisable people on the planet.  From the moment they stepped out of the car it was clear we had nothing at all to worry about; they were both every bit as friendly and down to earth as they appear on TV and within a few minutes I found myself chatting to the Duke of Cambridge as we led them up the first section of the walk.

Full image credit Kensington Palace

Well, when I say I was chatting, what I mean is that I was doing my level best not to hyperventilate while trying to say something of interest about the landscape.  In an effort to make the most of the short amount of time we had available we’d opted for a short but very sharp climb to our first viewpoint; a brilliant plan in many respects but it ruled out coherent sentences on my part for a minute or two.

Patterdale (Steve Pipe)

From there it was another short but more gentle climb to an incredibly picturesque bench, thankfully with plenty of pauses along the way to admire the view.  The Duke and Duchess were incredibly knowledgeable and clearly very fond of the landscape but they also showed a keen interest and asked plenty of questions and I was very glad that we had David Harpley with us – David is the Conservation Manager for Cumbria Wildlife Trust and he was able to tell them about the fantastic work that the trust do to maintain, preserve and improve the landscape.

Full image credit Owen Humphreys @OwenHumphreys1

I’m not going to spill the beans on exactly where the bench is – if you know the area then you know the bench – I’ve never been involved in a Royal visit before and I wouldn’t want to encourage hundreds of people to descend on a small, remote, area to follow in Royal footsteps. I’m also not going to go into detail about what we discussed; there were some lovely moments and some comments which really made me smile.

Full image credit Kensington Palace

That said, they were both absolutely lovely – very natural and very ‘real’, with no airs and graces.  It was especially lovely to see them with the group of children from a local school who we met half way around our route.  Both the Duke and the Duchess got down to their level to chat about nature and wildlife and they readily joined in the short session delivered by Jamie Normington, Education Officer for CumbriaWildlife Trust.

Full image credit Kensington Palace

All too soon the walk was over and we were back to their waiting cars.  Just time for a few gifts – we gave them a bag containing three of our books (Gin, Cake and Rucksacks, Cumbria in Photographs and The Old Ways of Cumbria), together with a bottle of locally made Shed 1 Gin and a personally carved Twigpen (by The Twigpen People) for them and their children, plus a beautiful card by Sam Martin Art. Jamie gave them a copy of The Lost Words (click here to see how he’s raising money to provide 200 schools in Cumbria with a copy of the book) and David gave them a family membership to Cumbria Wildlife Trust . (If you want to download the free wildlife walks we wrote for Cumbria Wildlife Trust then you can find them all here.)

After a final round of goodbyes they were whisked away, ending their day visiting Cumbria, and we were left with many happy memories of the afternoon.  Of course we’re being realistic about our future plans for guided walks and we know that not everyone we guide will be a future heir to the throne.  With that in mind I want to make it quite clear that you do not have to be a Duke or a Duchess to engage our guiding services, other royal titles will also be considered...

The Bench (Steve Pipe)

(And I don’t think I put my foot in it on the walk, but I’ve not ruled out “Life inside the Tower of London” as the title for my next blog!)


PS As we're HUGE supporters of Cumbrian businesses here are a few of the other folks involved in the day.  Mine & Steve's boots came from the lovely folks at Keswick Boot Company, my bright orange scarf was from the Herdy Co (who do a LOT to support the local farming community) and my necklace (which sadly didn't make it into any photos) was from Go Your Own Way .

BEFORE YOU GO:  You can buy all of the books, including the ones we gifted to the Duke and Duchess, right here.  COVID has hit us pretty hard so any and all sales are deeply appreciated.

You can also support this blog by chipping in to buy us a virtual coffee, or leave us a tip, using Ko-Fi - it's really easy and every penny is helping us to buy the software we need to reinvent our business and move forwards.  Thank you. 

Conkers

We all remember playing conkers as a kid.  How many of us tried all the "special tactics" of soaking them in vinegar or baking them in the oven?  For us there was the added adventure of throwing things into the "conker tree" to dislodge a particularly juicy specimen, or trying to climb up to reach the one tantalisingly just beyond our grasp...and then there was the perilous task of trying to thread a cord through them.  We all remember it.  You probably just smiled at some long forgotten memory as you read that, conkers were just part of being a kid, but not any more it seems...
 
Jamie Normington (Education and Community Officer for Cumbria Wildlife Trust) is walking the entire Coast to Coast route to raise money for both Autism Awareness and to supply 200 schools in Cumbria with the superb The Lost Words book by Robert MacFarlance and Jackie Morris.  The book was inspired by the words vanishing from the Oxford Junior Dictionary - words like adder, dandelion, kingfisher and conker.  The book is filled with poignant short poems by Robert and gloriously illustrated by Jackie and is truly a thing of great beauty.

But why should we care if these words are vanishing?  Surely the world moves on and that's just the way of things?  The problem is that if people lose a connection with nature, even at the most basic level, they will stop caring about it and caring about nature, and protecting the environment is key to our survival.

As part of his walk Jamie is delivering assemblies to all the schools along his route (well, as many as he can reasonably cram in!) and, on top of that, he's also giving the occasional evening talk.  As we walked with him along a short section of his route around Patterdale yesterday we were chatting about the project and one story he told me really hit home.  He was delivering a talk to a group of 40 people, 38 adults and 2 children and, as part of the talk, he showed a picture of a couple of kids playing conkers and asked if the 2 children in the audience knew what was going on.  They didn't.  One of them asked if they were playing with acorns (on the bright side, at least they knew what an acorn was!)  How sad is that?

I was an urban kid.  I grew up on a council estate with a park at the end of the road and a strip of rough ground behind the house.  There were also 4 or 5 big "conker trees" in the middle of some large gravel patches which became the focus of our attention every autumn.  We didn't have any money and "playing out" was free, but from "playing out" I learned about seasons (conker season in particular), we made dens in hawthorn and learned how to avoid the prickly bushes and we also scoffed blackberries in the autumn and knew how to deal with nettle stings.  I learned all this first hand, some of it the hard way, and it had a lot more impact than learning it from Google.

Jamie is hugely passionate about his mission and, although I've not seen him in action, I should imagine he's enormously entertaining in school assemblies and great at driving his message home.  You can follow his epic trek on Twitter here or go directly to his Virgin Money Giving page to learn more about his mission and make a donation.

Jamie with Lost Words at Angle Tarn

The danger is that if we lose the words we could lose the species and if we lose too many species then "human" may also become a lost word.

Secrets and lies

Should we keep our favourite fells secret?

I'm not good with secrets and right now I'm sitting on two whoppers - both good (fantastic actually) and, over the next few weeks everything will become apparent but, right now, I have to keep my mouth shut.  This is not natural for me (as anyone who knows me will attest - seriously, if you want to win money, play me at poker, my poker-face is non-existent!)

Anyway, it got me thinking about secrets in general and, more specifically, secrets in the outdoors.  Hikers, cyclists, swimmers, campers, we all have our secrets - our favourite spots that we sneak away to and hope no-one else is there but, as someone who writes books about the outdoors this leaves me with a conundrum.  If all we do is write books about the places everyone already knows about, no-one will buy our books (same old, same old) BUT if we write about new 'secret' places we run the risk of upsetting people who prefer to keep such places under the radar.

It's something that's been in the news a couple of times recently.  Access to a famous beauty spot lake in Snowdonia has been blocked by the farmer that owned it after some visitors left piles of litter - as I understand it the lake was on his private land (rather than a public right of way) but he was happy to let folks enjoy it responsibly - sadly too much of an ask for some people.

Stunning views on NC500

The North Coast 500 has also been in the news again for all the wrong reasons.  On the face of it

promoting this stunning drive along some of the most spectacular roads in the UK should be nothing but good news for the local economy - lots of new people visiting, spending money on campsites and in shops, cafes and bars.  The problem is that it has been a victim of its own success with some folks lacking respect and consideration for the environment.  We visited in 2015 and took six weeks to complete the route; during that time we never left one scrap of litter, we pulled in and let faster vehicles past at every opportunity and we always camped somewhere away from everyone else.

We also see it in Cumbria, people get upset when we talk about 'secret hideaways' but surely nowhere is secret if you have an OS Map?  I've read that Wainwright was miffed when his books proved a huge hit, leading to his previously favoured quiet routes becoming clogged with people following his guides.  I also once interviewed Julia Bradbury and asked if there were some places that she kept to herself and didn't share on TV and she said that there were.

We all have secret places we like to escape to, but it's not the many that are the problem, it's the few and it's not the fact that we talk about the places that's the issue, it's the fact that we have somehow stopped educating people about how to behave outdoors and how to treat the landscape with respect.  I'm not talking about becoming well-versed on conservation matters, I'm talking about the basics of taking your litter home with you, not damaging property and having consideration for everyone else using the route - if everyone understood those things then there would be no issues.

Hidden woodland walk

When I was researching one of our books I read about how remote paths used to be kept clear of brambles by farmers leaving shears or clippers on a hook at one end of the route.  A passing hiker would collect these, clip any wayward branches along the way, then leave the clippers on another hook at the other end of the track for the next hiker.  Can you imagine that happening today?  I would say that Health and Safety would have a fit but we all know that the clippers would be nicked long before anyone got hurt clipping branches.

There's really not a simple answer to this.  Or rather there is: treat the countryside with respect, but embedding and enforcing it is the problem.  If people are happy to risk their lives heading up Helvellyn in flip-flops, then they're really not going to worry about picking up the wrapper from their Mars bar.  At the crux of the issue is where does the responsibility lie for educating people?  I've seen rants against local councils for not clearing grass verges and fly tipping spots but the anger needs to be directed at the people throwing the litter and dumping the rubbish in the first place.

I'm genuinely interested in hearing everyone else's thoughts on this as I know it's a subject close to a lot of our hearts - maybe between us we can find a solution?

In the meantime, as for my secrets, well you'll just have to hang around and see what happens over the next few weeks.  While you're waiting you could always take a look through our books and see where our favourite hideaways are - click HERE for more info.

Out June 15th - available to pre-order here