The Laws of Physics and Hiking

As will become apparent very quickly, I am no expert in the word of physics, but it has occurred to me that hiking bends the laws of physics and no-one seems to have noticed.  For example, on a circular walk the laws of physics will tell us that if we start and end at the same point then there must be an equal amount of uphill and downhill, but hikers know for a FACT that there is always more up than down in any walk.

In hiking we can also prove that two wrongs do, in fact, make a right.  Very boggy ground - wrong.  Temperatures well below freezing with significant wind chill - wrong.  But combine the two and the freezing weather makes the bog solid so we can walk over it - right.  (OK, that one may not be an actual law of physics, but I'm pretty sure it's a law of something!)

I have dug further into the laws of physics and present, below, my findings on what happens when physics meets hiking.  I'm expecting my doctorate in the post from a prestigious university any day now.  (All laws have been taken from this website, so, if you don't like them, it's him you need to tell, not me.)

1.Archimedes Principle
"The principle was discovered in 3rd century B.C. by the Greek mathematician. Archimedes. It states that when a body is partially or totally immersed in a fluid, it experiences an upward thrust equal to the weight of the fluid displaced by it that i.e. its apparent loss of weight is equal to the weight of liquid displaced."

Well Archimedes was clearly not a hiker.  He also lived in Greece which, I'm guessing, is pretty thin on the ground so far as bogs are concerned.  When my foot is 'partly or totally immersed in (boggy) fluid', there is no upward thrust and I experience no weight loss.  In fact my mass increases as my boots are sucked into the mire and said bog cakes itself around my boots.  If Archimedes had ever tried to walk from High Tove to Castleigg after heavy rain he may have had a rethink.

2. Law of conservation of energy
"It states that energy can neither be created nor destroyed but it can be transformed from one form to another. Since energy cannot be created or destroyed, the amount of energy present in the universe is always remain constant."

It looks so near...

Picture the scene.  You park at Stickle Barn and take the Cumbria Way/ Angle Tarn route up to the bottom of Great End.  You eat and drink well all the way along the route and are feeling good, if a little tired.  You wander along the track to the top of Broad Crag with your sights set firmly on Scafell Pike, still feeling nice and perky.  You reach the end of Broad Crag and see the drop down, and the climb back up, to Scafell Pike summit.  All energy instantly drains from your body.  Energy destroyed. My case rests.


3. Newton’s First law of Motion
"A body continues in its state of rest, or of uniform motion in a straight line, except in so far as it is compelled by external impressed forces to change that state. It is also called Law of Inertia."

I'm gong to agree with Newton on this one.  When I'm 3/4 of the way through a long hike and pause for a sit down and a gulp of tea and cake, my body is in a 'state of rest' and I am generally quite happy to remain in this state of rest.  The 'external forces' 'compelling me to move' would be a cold wind, Steve nagging that it's getting late, or an overwhelming desire for a wee.

4. Newton’s Third Law of Motion
"To every action there is equal and opposite reaction."

Kielder Water

Wrong.  At least so far as midges are concerned. Surely this law is stating that if I swish my hands around in front of my face and swear very loudly at a gathering swarm of midges (my 'action'), then they should disperse (their 'reaction'), but we all know that this does not happen, in fact it only encourages them.  And don't get me started on their bites!  It is simply not 'equal' for minute specs of airborne evil (aka the midge) to create a series of golf ball sized lumps on my hands and face that leave me crying for my mummy at 3am.  And then there are the clegs - inch long velociraptors with wings - when they sink their minute diamond tipped fangs into your arm the 'equal' reaction would be to feel a pinprick of pain, not the searing-hot-poker-in-the-arm reality.  Send Newton for a stroll around Kielder Water on a warm, muggy, summer evening, wearing nothing more than tshirt & shorts, and then see what he has to say about "equal and opposite reactions".


5. Newton’s Law of cooling
"The rate at which a body cools or loses its heat to its surroundings is proportional to the excess of mean temperature of the body over that of the surroundings, provided this temperature excess is not too large."

Any laws pertaining to temperature are null and void when hiking - the rate at which my body cools when I pause for a swig of tea on a cold winter hike defies any law of physics.  I can go from baking hot to colder than Katie Hopkins heart in under 5 seconds.  Tea also obeys the same rule when released from its flask and poured into a cup - nice and hot when you pour it, but by the time you've rescrewed the top back on to save the rest of your brew and quickly slipped on a glove because you can no longer feel your fingers, then raised the cup to your lips, it's stone cold.


I'm pretty sure experts in the world of physics will be lining up to tear me to shreds and to all of you I say this:  you are welcome to join me on a hike any time and we'll put your laws to the test - infact, bring Archimedes and Newton along and we'll make a day of it.  😁



Please don't leave just yet.  We have written nine books choc full of fun, fab and interesting things with lots of stunning photos. You can buy them all right HERE.  We will be happy to sign them and they make the perfect gift for lovers of Cumbria, or you could just treat yourself.  Go on, you know you're worth it.

Click here to browse our bookshelf.

Let's go round again.

We've been to Kielder 3 times; each time we've done a lap of the lake on our bikes and each time it's been different.  Mainly because the first time we both had grotty bikes, the second time my gears failed and this time we both had new(ish) bikes. Each time though the weather has been perfect - beginning to think it never rains here...

This time we also managed a trip up to the observatory for a crystal clear night of stargazing. Got up close and personal with the moon and also saw Uranus, Neptune and a distant binary star system - if you're heading this way it's certainly worth a visit.

Today's lap of the lake was largely uneventful apart from my persistent ranting about Tower Knowe wanting to chargd £6.95 for a jacket spud with beans. I'm all for supporting local shops etc. but £6.95 for something that costs around 70p to make? Clearly I'm getting old and grumpy before my time.

That aside the weather was perfect and the views magnificent - just hope I'm not too worn out as we're planning to stay up till 3am watching the lunar eclipse. If anyone wants me tomorrow morning I'm likely to be in bed...

5 Great Reasons to Visit Kielder

I don't very often get all environmental but here's a scary fact to start off this blog.  Whenever we visit Kielder we're blown away by the size of the place so I've done a little checking and discovered that at 250 square miles Kielder Forest is the largest working forest in England - impressive.

Then I did a little more digging and found out that every single day over 337 square miles of rainforest are destroyed.  That's roughly 1.4 Kielders every single day.  Impressive, but in a whole different way.

Our campsite this time was the result of a mistake last time.  On our last visit we were booked into Leaplish campsite but turned up at Kielder campsite instead, which we really rather liked the look of so promised to return on our next trip, which we duly did.  There's nothing wrong with the Leaplish site per se, it's just that the pics make it look as though you have lovely views of the lake, but the reality is that only a few pitches have lake views and the rest are buried deep in the woods.

Kielder Campsite on the other hand doesn't promise any views of the lake but does have gorgeous big open spaces to pitch up, a perfectly pleasant toilet block (really, there's only so much you can say about a toilet block) and the village and pub just around the corner.  It's also part of a project to reinvest in the local community and that's always going to go down well with us.

So enough of my jibber jabber - here are 5 good reasons why you should visit Kielder.

1.  The dark skies.

The Campaign for the Protection of Rural England (CPRE) claim that these are the darkest skies in England.  The area designated as the Northumberland International Dark Sky Park covers 580 square miles and is the largest dark sky protected are in Europe.  (Not far off twice the area of rain forest destroyed every day - no I'm not letting it drop).

With minimal lighting on the campsite (another plus over Leaplish) you can enjoy the skies from the comfort of your tent/ van, just so long as the muppets next door don't have their extra bright external light switched on all evening, even though they're out...

You can also book events at Kielder Observatory but book well ahead as they tend to be very popular. 

2.  Cycling

A cycled lap of the lake is the thing to do here - it's enough of a challenge without being over the top, plus there are lovely art installations the whole way around which are both a pleasant distraction and the perfect excuse for a rest.

We are infrequent hobby cyclists and our advice is to tackle the north side of the lake first - it's the hilliest and most challenging so best get it done while you have fresh legs.  The south side is less hilly and has the added advantage of the visitors centre & cafe at Tower Knowe and the bar at Leaplish to help you along your way.  We also recommend padded cycling shorts...

Not sure what this one is called but "how it feels to be a ready meal" would
be my guess.

The craziest crazy golf

Now you see me, now you see me, now you see me

The route around the lake is very well signposted so it's pretty much impossible to get lost.  There are also plenty of warning signs for steep downhill sections, though heaven knows why, the down hill bits were fine, it was the up hill bits I needed advance warning of.

3.  Hiking

There are dozens of forest tracks and trails to keep you distracted here.  None of them have the immense climbs of the Lake District, but all of them are prefect for family rambles.

The walk up to the observatory is well worth a go - the grounds are open throughout the day even if you don't have tickets for an event.  Plus there's another art installation nearby (Skyspace) which as well as being a lovely piece of art, is also an ideal stopping spot for a flask of tea and some sarnies.

4.  Wildlife

Red Squirrels, Osprey and Goshawks are the stars of the show, but as with all stars can be difficult to glimpse (apart from the stars in the skies overhead that is).  Over the few days we were there we spotted a number of buzzards, the occasional red squirrel and several dozen other birds we're unable to name because they didn't sit still long enough for us to get our book out.  This fella did though.

We didn't get any close up pics of red squirrels this time - but this one Steve took the last time we were there would have been hard to beat anyway.

5.  Peace and quiet

It can be hard finding an escape from the hustle and bustle, but Kielder is so big that there's always somewhere you can go to get away from everyone else (not the cycle route around the lake, that's pretty much busy the whole time).  I'm thinking of places like this

And this

And this

And this

And this

And finally this...

If Kielder forest vanished in the space of 1 day we'd all be pretty darned angry.  So if, like me, you're still a wee bit horrified at the amount of rainforest vanishing every single day, here are a number of practical steps we can all take to help make things a little better.

Hanging by a thread...

Another place we'd vowed to return to was Kielder - following our spectacular introduction to the area courtesy of the Calvert Trust we'd promised to return early in 2014 before the midges took up residence.  It's nothing personal, I'm just allergic to them and do a great impression of a puffer fish if I get too many bites.

On day 1 it peed down so all we managed was a hike and a bouncy boat ride.  On day 2 a dose of insomnia was put to good use when I decided to nip down to the lake shore to watch the sunrise over the lake and commune with the red squirrels.

Daybreak over Kielder

After a bacon roll to bring me back to my senses it was back to re-visit the Calvert Trust to try our hands at the bits of the climbing wall which had previously defeated us and to tackle the Velcro Olympics which we'd missed on our first visit.

Steve made it look easy.

I think the climbing wall was meant to be the main event, but personally I was counting down the seconds until I could have a go on the giant inflatable Velcro Olympics.  And don't try telling me it's just for kids - 8 Velcro suits and only 2 of them in kids sizes?  I rest my case.  Mind you while the kids raced through 10 or more times we were knackered after 4 attempts - the moral of the story clearly being that a diet of coco pops, Nutella and ice cream is what's needed next time I'm out on the fells.

Winner got the camera, loser got their photo taken...

On day 3 we took to our bikes for a lap of the lake.  27 miles all told but with plenty of excuses to stop along the way.  The assorted art installations impressed and bemused us in equal measure but most are practical as well as pretty which means there's always somewhere to have your flask of tea and your sarnies.

Belvedere ("Good View" in Italian)

The Janus Chairs were our clear favourite - can't think why...

View from the Janus Chairs

After a soggy start we had excellent weather which is perhaps as well as it's an energy sapping ride for hobby cyclists like us.  Having spent the day enjoying such a wonderful free spectacle we thought it only right and fair to donate some of tourist pounds to the support the local breweries - a vital part of the nation's economy...

Kielder Water

Kielder Water near Leaplish