Exchange-a-pic

I have had a genius idea.  I mean properly genius.  OK, it maybe has one minor drawback but nothing's perfect is it?

Don't you ever wonder where people were when they had their genius ideas?  Where was Frank Whittle when he came up with the idea for the jet engine?  Or Laszlo Biro when he decided to create the ballpoint pen?  Or whoever it was at Primula who first thought about putting cream cheese into toothpaste tubes?  (Mock all you want, but that stuff rocks on camping trips!)

Well, for the record, my lightbulb moment came at around 6am one morning as I was lying in bed in my rather fetching big fluffy teddybear PJs.  ( a) be glad I didn't run naked down the road Archimedes style and b) what were lightbulb moments called before Thomas Edison came along?)

Anyway, back to my genius idea - or more specifically the flaw in it - the Dragon's Den "I'm out" moment, if you will.  The flaw is this - I can see absolutely no way whatsoever of ever making any money out of it.  A minor detail in an otherwise perfect plan.

So what is my idea?  It is this - if you come to Cumbria for a holiday and the weather doesn't meet your expectations, simply send me your holiday pictures and I'll "replace" them with photos taken from the same spot when the weather was perfect.  See?  Genius - even if I do say so myself (which I just did, so it's too late to stop me now!) - though clearly, no-one is ever likely to pay me for such a a service.

Shiny Car - less than shiny weather...

The idea came to me after we'd borrowed a lovely shiny, brand spanking new, top of the range Toyota C-HR for the weekend from Vantage Motors in Morecambe - it's one of the perks of the blog and social media that they'll trust us with such a beauty, in exchange for us taking some nice photos of it in stunning Cumbrian locations.  (An idea which worked perfectly well in the past when they let us loose with a Hilux and a Citoren Cactus Ripcurl)

The only problem was that for the entire 48 hours that we had the C-HR, it steamed down with rain - which was when the genius idea came to me - how about I post the pictures we took, next to a picture of the view on a nice sunny day, and you can put the two together in your mind?  (Or photoshop them if you're properly clever!)

The other problem was that although the car was indeed very lovely, I got the distinct feeling that we weren't the target demographic the marketing department had in mind and that our adjectives and adverbs may not connect with their desired audience.  With that in mind, here are our "Exchange-a-pic(TM)" photos of the car with all adverbs and adjectives translated for their target market...

Kirkstone Pass

A Slightly soggy Kirkstone Pass

"Here's what you could've seen" #Bullseye

The spry (dope) C-HR was quite at home nipping around the windy lanes of the Lake District and its snazzy (lush) appearance certainly drew a few admiring glances.

Derwent Water

Although the weather conditions were somewhat inclement (totally sucked) the demisters were splendid (bae) when it came to clearing the windscreen.

Sandside

One of our favourite views and a top spot with local fishermen (and ospreys during the summer).  Although we didn't venture far outside the car, the swish (on fleek) interior was the perfect place for a flask of tea and an eccles cake (netflix and chill - I'm not convinced that one's entirely accurate...)

Coast Road to Barrow

The C-HR was definitely a zippy (certy) little motor and was perfect for darting up and over Birkrigg Common.

Leighton Moss

Of course we took it to Leighton Moss - we LOVE Leighton Moss - our next book is about Leighton Moss.  In fact I'd go so far as to say that Leighton Moss is fandabidozi (snatched), the birds are fandabi-double-dozi (sick) and the cakes are fandabi-triple-dozi (absolutely mint).

Out in April 2017!

We were also really rather taken with the absolutely spiffing  (peak) attention to detail and quirky features such as...

It's a hybrid - cosmic! (reem)

The rather dapper (legit) interior

At night this illuminates the pavement as you approach the car - how
delightful! (fresh)

If you're now inspired to head down to Vantage in Morecambe to try out your new urban slang and take the car out for a test drive - don't forget to tell them it's totally boss and that Beth sent you. 😉

Dirty Boots

What do clean boots and office Christmas trees have in common?  Neither of them are fulfilling the purpose for which they were intended.  In the case of the office Christmas tree it sits alone and forlorn on Christmas Day with no excited children or pressies anywhere to be seen - how sad is that?

Clean boots, paraded around Ambleside on a sunny bank holiday, remind me of caged animals in the zoo - they can see the fells all around but they're just not allowed onto them.  A dirty boot is a happy boot in my book so I was delighted when Bogs asked me to get a pair good and mucky for them.

Not that everyone agreed mind - look what happened when I posted a photo of them on Instagram when they arrived:

Too nice to get dirty?  Never! Chlorinekid & DistantHorizonsUK had better look away now...  Bogs promised these boots were 100% waterproof and I wasn't going to let a claim like that go untested.

First was some gentle puddling...

Then came the snow... (awesome footprint!)

Then there was a small bog...

Then they were dirty!  Yay!

So they needed to be cleaned - bring on the puddles!

Only one way to clean a good pair of boots.  (It's possible the care instructions didn't recommend this as the preferred method of cleaning...)

Remember when you were a kid and had your boots on and your mum still told you off for jumping in all the puddles?  Well, the best thing about being an adult is that I get to wear boots and jump in all the puddles I want!

At this point I realised that perhaps my mum had had a point all along.  My jeans were soaked, we were at Leighton Moss and I still had a good 2 hours birdwatching/ cake munching ahead of me. Steve gave me one of those looks but I remained unrepentant - boots should be dirty and puddles should be jumped in.

The boots were superb, my feet were comfy dry and warm and, in my humble opinion, the mud only added to the already awesome design.  Too nice to get dirty?  Pah!  It would be a sin not to!


The boots in the blog are the Sidney Lace Plaid boots - you can find them here.  They also have LOADS of other designs so do have a nose through their website.

It's not big, but it is clever.

Having been confined to low level hikes for a while now I've had time to "compare and contrast" them to high level hikes and there are a number of interesting differences between the two - some things are better and some are decidedly more annoying...

1.  Gates

There are a lot more gates on low level hikes and, in my experience, pretty much every single large farmers gate is an absolute nightmare.  I'm not blaming the farmers, nope, I want to understand how we can put a man on the moon but farm gate manufacturers can't create a farm gate that works properly.

The most common fault is dropping down 3 - 6 inches as soon as you unbolt them, meaning you have to hoik them back up by the same amount whilst simultaneously trying to thread the bolt back through the alarmingly tiny bolt hole.  Then there are the wooden ones where the bottom drops off as soon as you open it.  Or the ones who've given up on bolts and have an intricately knotted rope instead, or a big loop of rope that fits over the gatepost but which can only be returned back over said gatepost with the combined strength of 6 men and a large tub of KY Jelly.  

2.  Mud

Where there's gates there's mud.  Lots of mud.  Cows in particular congregate around gates plotting their escape. You could attempt jumping across, but that never really works.  Or there's the ballet/ ninja approach where you try desperately to creep along the 3 millimetres of solid ground around the edge.  Then there's the "I'll just wade straight through, how deep can it be?" approach...

3.  Navigation

All things being equal, there's a lot more navigation required for a low level walk.  High level navigation goes something like this:  "See that big hill over there with the sodding great path up the side?  Go up it."

Low level navigation on the other hand requires instructions such as "Bear right after the second kissing gate to follow the route half left across the next field." or "Keep left at the fork then turn right at the third oak tree after the second yew." or "Run quickly over the bridge or the trolls will get you."  (I may have made the last one up).

4.  Bracken

Of course there's bracken on high level hikes, but there's a sort of a "bracken line" and you soon push through it, not so on low level hikes, where you can be wandering around in bracken for hours at a time.  If you're tall and gazelle like, like Steve for instance, you can peer regally over the top of it.  If, on the other hand, you're more earth like in your dimensions, you begin to understand what life must have been like for the Borrowers as you crash around getting slapped in the face by large fern like fronds.  Particular fun after heavy rain.

5.  Hills

 

Just because it's low level doesn't mean it's flat.  There are still hills and 3 "small" 150m hills = half a Scafell Pike.  It's like eating Haribo - the first couple of handfuls are fine but once you've eaten the entire bag you need a bit of a lie down.

6.  Views

Kent Estuary from Arnside Knott

Choose your low level hike wisely and you will be rewarded with amazing views.

View from Warton Crag

7.  Animals

I've said "animals" but basically I mean cows.  You get sheep on the high fells, but they generally take flight as soon as they see you, not so a herd of cows.  The phrase "nosy cow" was coined for a reason because they *always*want to know what you're up to.

Most of the time you can shoo them away but, joking apart, they can be dangerous and I do my best to avoid a field of cows if they have their young with them.  If you need to cross a field of cows: make sure you know your route and exit point, check for other escape routes along the way, if they approach walk confidently and if they're in your path, walk around if it's safe to do so - and always be sure never to get between a heifer and her calf..  

There are often horses too, but they're usually a lot less trouble.

8.  Overgrown paths

The high fells in the Lake District are so well walked that overgrowth isn't an issue, in fact they usually have the opposite problem with too many feet eroding the hillsides.  If you want to escape the crowds find yourself a nice low level walk, and pack a machete.  We encountered the above stile on a walk earlier this week - it had been fine when we crossed in back in April but clearly no-one else had been near it since.  It's definitely more of a challenge, but it's also more of an adventure and I really love finding paths that no-one else seems to walk - just so long as I can send Steve on a ahead to clear me a route.

9.  Flowers & Forests

Bee Orchid

Buttercups, daisies and rare orchids - the lowland meadows are filled with them - and each time you visit there's something different to see, just don't pick them!  We found a spot where there were rare Lady Slipper Orchids growing and the second time we went back to take a look someone had picked a bunch of them.  Really?  REALLY?  You care enough to go and find them, then yank them out of the ground?  Don't start me.

And what about forests and woodlands?  You can't beat a woodland full of bluebells and garlic in the spring and in the summer you can keep cool and you wander along their shady paths (or, more accurately, shelter in them when it pees down.)

10.  Pubs and cafes

One of the very best things about low level hikes is that you can pause along the way for a bit of this...

 ...this...

 ...and one of these

Don't get me wrong, I do miss the high fells and can't wait to get back up there, but there are no pubs and cafe's on top of Skiddaw as these two TripAdvisor reviewers found out to their dismay.

Not that we haven't tried recreating the experience - I just don't think beer and high fells are a great combination.  Mind you, it's not advisable to try walking anywhere after more than a pint of Old Peculiar...

#LakeDistrictBid Advent Calendar Day 15 - Because of the quiet corners...

Millions of people visit the Lake District every year and, to be honest, it's not all that big a place and there are parts of it which get particularly busy, but no matter how busy it gets there are always some quiet tucked away corners.  Places like High Dam and Stott Park Heights, Whitbarrow Scar and the route up Wansfell from Troutbeck are some of my favourite spots to go to escape the crowds.

One of the benefits of gaining World Heritage Site Status will be a possible increase in visitors and an increase in visitors within the national park will lead to more visitors to areas just beyond the boundaries that could really benefit from the income that would generate - places like Ulverston, Barrow and Whitehaven.  I have a real soft spot for those towns with their drop dead gorgeous views and fascinating histories.  The coastline all along Morecambe Bay is so chock full of wildlife that it lured BBCs Autumnwatch back to Leighton Moss for 2 years in a row and walks along the coast are deserted even on the busiest bank holidays.

Ulverston

Just outside Barrow

Whitehaven

Whitbarrow Scar

High Dam

Roadblock between Troutbeck and Wansfell

Leighton Moss

Morecambe Bay

To learn more about the bid and to register your support with just one click (honestly, just one click, no email address needed or anything) please visit the World Heritage Bid site here.

To go back to day 1 of the advent calendar please click here.